Friday, June 22, 2007

A Crusty, Old Gnome Goes to Crust

I know, I know – you’re thinkin’, what the hell is he doing drinking a sissy drink like that? Well, I tell you, after one of these concoctions and a beer, I was face down in my pizza before I knew what hit me. But I did manage to get a bite in before my embarrassing demise, and damn, it was good. The crust was buttery, pillowy and crispy on the bottom. I ordered the Flammkuchen – it sounded like the kind of pizza a gnome would like. I had to be kind of a pain in the arse though – I ordered it without caraway seeds. As many of you know, the brother gastrognomes lack the enzyme to properly digest caraway seeds, so we must endure life without them. But, the pizza was still delicious, even sans the seeds – caramelized onion, b├ęchamel sauce, slab bacon and cracked black pepper. And as for the drink that knocked me on my arse – Strawberry Fields (strawberry & sweet woodruff vodka, strawberry juice and cava).

Now before you think I’m some kind of a lightweight, you have to put the size of Old Chomp into perspective – me having two drinks is the equivalent of a full size human drinking four bottles of wine, two six-packs and a bloody mary to boot. Next time I’m starting with the food and ending with the drinks so I can at least remember what I ate.

Crust is located at 2056 W. Division at the corner of Hoyne and Division.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Drunk Diving

What do I, the noble Gnome Chompski, have in common with a slimy slug? Depending on who ya ask, you might hear “well, he’s a little pudgy and pretty slow”, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Slugs happen to like the drink as much as I do – specifically beer. Our intentions start off the same – we’re both drawn to the magical, amber liquid like the pied piper of pints. The slugs like it so much, that they will literally dive into a pool of the stuff if you leave a dish out in your yard. Taking a bath in beer sounds like a damn good spa service to me, but the slugs don’t fare so well – they end up dissolving. Dissolving! So, sneaky gardeners take advantage of the slugs’ weakness for beer and they trap the poor suckers. I feel kind a bad for my fellow beer guzzlers, but a couple more hours in my Guinness bath will wash away any guilty feeling I have...